Top Ten Ways to Stop doing that ... !

So i was watching bbc 1 as you do, and an advert came up with Sir David Attenbouroghs voice saying that since he started working for the bbc over 40 years ago the worlds population has tripled.

How crazy does that sound ! and furthermore predictions for the future population is
901,000,000 people (9.1 billion) by 2050 - a 40 per cent increase from the current 6.8 billion total. The year of 1800 978 million people were alive, this could of been due to disease and high mortality rate.

Now more than ever goverments and hospitals are stressing the use of contraception.

So here is my top 10 contraceptions throughout the ages...

10) Sexual abstinence "It's great to wait"

This is the cheapest of all contraceptions. Basically you don't do it. People give their lives to not doing it, or even touching themselves ! This may be out of choice but most likely upbringing. The great thing about this is you get a nifty 'Silver ring' to show your all about SA.

Chance of STD; None Chance of getting pregnant; Zero

9) Coitus interruptus "We get in, we get out. No man left behind"

An ancient method over 2000 years old which is still used widely used and an estimated 38 million couples worldwide in 1991 adopt this style of birth control. To break it down, just before ejaculation you withdraw and by doing this your not planting your seed into your woman. This does not always work. As pre-ejaculatein may carry viral particles or bacteria which may infect the partnerif this fluid comes in contact with mucous membranes as well as semen. This again is a type of contraception which is used to get round social barriers such as the ban of contraception

Chance of STD; Moderatly high Chance of getting pregnant; Mild

8) Goverment policy "Your country needs you...to stop doing the naughty"

The picture above translates as "For a prosperous, powerful nation and a happy family, please use birth planning." To set the scene its 1979, Margaret Thatcher is elected Prime minister in the UK and Sony releases the Walkman. China holds 25% of the worlds population and 2/3rds of the them are under 30 due to the baby boom after WWII. The goverment needed to improve living standards and therefore introduced the one child policy. Tokens and prizes were introduced for having only one child and anymore resulted in penalities. Since the policy 300 million births have been prevented. This obviously doesn't results in complete child freedom but a 300,000,000 is still a lot.

Chance of STD; Moderatly high Chance of getting pregnant; Only once

7) Erectile dysfunction "This has never happened before..."

This has been the cause of sobbing men and disatisfied women. Anxiety is one of the main reasons this occurs in teenagers and early adults. Diabetes has been another known cause in older men so lay off the sugar is a good idea. This is a form of contraception because you won't have intercourse unless your hard enough. Excessive Cannabis use, smoking and drinking has been positively correlated to ED as it affects blood flow. The male can't keep his erection going long enough to satisfay himself or his partner. Viagra (sildenafil) is a temporary cure for ED as it widens the bloods vessels allowing erections to occur for up to 4 hours since the drug has been taken. If your not up for pill-popping try vibrators, cock rings and vacuum pumps.

Chance of STD; Slight Chance of getting pregnant; None

6)Contraceptive injections "Insert here"

This injection stops ovualtion in woman, but needs further consideration as it does not protect againist STD's. Only 3% of British women use this. Pretty boring really...

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%

5) Diaphragms "Ewwww.."

This is probably the most time consuming. You cannot just buy this at Tesco you need to go to a doctor and have one moulded 'fitted' to your size. The main objective is to cover the cervix to prevent sperm getting through and causing conception. However it must be left in the vaggy up to 6 hours after intercourse to work properly. Also to leave one of these in your woo woo, all night in the small case that you get some is a bit tiresome

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; 5%

4) Vasectomy "A reason not to run with scissors"

So its come to surgery. Another phrase is having your 'tubes tied'. This procedure prevents sperm coming into contact with semen. Thats right kids sperm and semen aren't the same thing. Semen carries the sperm when ejaculated into the women. In the surgery the tube that connects your testicles to your semen glad is called the 'Vas' hence Vasectomy. After a Vasectomy your sperm stays dormant in your testicles and from then on all you produce is semen during intercourse. STD's can still be caught with out other protection. The surgery does not always do what it promises and many men have had over three vasectomies due to conception after intercourse.

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; Varies

3) Male Condoms "To help during these hard times"

Simple and effective, with a variety of textures tastes and materials some even glow in the dark !. Highly effective unless they split . In ancient periods these sheath's were made from leather and wool bound with tree sap and in Japan, they were made of tortoise shell or animal horn.. Now latex rubber is the most popular material used today and over 10.4 billion jonnys are sold per year. Thats more one condom for every person living in the world today.

Chance of STD; El Zecho

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%

2) Femidom "Fits like a glove"

Imagine a baggy bin bag in a confined space.

Enough said

Chance of STD; Nil

Chance of getting pregnant; 5%

1) The pill. "Drop it in so you don't drop one out"

Thats right you guessed it. The contraceptive pill used by over 100 million women containing oestrogen and a progestogen. Take one of these babies (no pun intended) once a day for the rest of your sexual life leaving 1 week a month out for your period. and your set to be baby free, by manipulating the hormones the egg is not released into the F-tubes to cause ovulation. It also makes periods lighter and abolishes period pains. Acne ridden teenagers are put on the pill to clear up their faces. However you aren’t protected from STD’s. So going back to 2 or 3 would make this the best Baby banner.

Chance of STD; Moderatly high without other contraceptions

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%