The reason gum tree was invented

This has to be the best and worst advert placed on gumtree for the plymouth region



"brand new sex swing only used once, had been proffesionally cleaned but some staines are visable on the seat.

can take up to 3 people and can handle reverse mountings.

leather seat with silk cover, which stops chaffing.

me and my partner are soon to be married and the excitment has gone so we are not using the swing."

brilliant.

Oceans past and Oceania Present and the not too distant future of lectures

It is now tuesday.
two days i left home and said goodbye to my mum after being there for 4 months over summer.
I took my friend LIbby to bath and cut down through shepton mallet and got on the A303 getting to exeter to see my friend danny. then finally plymouth. 5 hours driving including stops

Arriving at my house i had already moved most my stuff in a month ago. I moved my clothes and bits and bobs.
It was wierd coming out of the safety net of 4 months at home, then standing in my new room with a non working tv and no internet due to the thickness of the walls and have far away my room is from the router is in the kitchen now.
Its all sorted now and i feel slightly at ease. Which makes me feel pathetic the fact i rely on technology to make me feel comfortable.
Our downstairs kitchen/living room is a very arbitrary terraced kitchen/lounge. 2 sofas and a tv in the fire place with no working tv so instead we use it for NES, Sega megadrive and PS2.

We have no black wheelie bin so our rubbish has already started building up like a landfill.
I had to call the city council and order a bin and find out when the bins are collected, for me thats a very grown up thing to do.
I'm sure as time goes on i will be gaining more and more responsibity.

My first night out consisted of Army night at Oceania, the first day of freshers week so everyone was there the queue to get in was over an hour. Inside it was rammed full of camo painted naive souls, trying to fuel their nights with alcohol and the sight of the opposite sex caused awkward dancing and leers which eventually turned to a soft horror film with individuals sucking the fluids out of one another. After 3 hours the mass had decreased and we decided to leave.
Meeting up with our old next door neighbours from halls, Sam who worked all summer decided to buy 9 of us a shot of tequilla, which i am not a fan of.

Till 4am we were at cuba a 2 storey small club which played some dirty dubstep which was nice
And finally we stopped off at jakes and grabbed cheesy chips before reutrning home.

WHo knows what tonight will hold but i have definatly come to the realisation that i going to have to mature and grow up as i am no longer living in the micro-causum of halls

Lon-day

'


Its been a long time since i last went to london, usually its the same places Oxford street and bricklane maybe leicester square or camden on the off day. But today i went to south east london to see my friend katie's uni and her new halls. As we were walking to her halls i glanced down a side street and what i saw is the pictures below, about 8 pairs of shoes hanging off phone lines.

It was amusing, though i later came to learn through katies new found local knowledge that a building with shoes 'tossed' over the phone lines infront of it means that it is suppling drugs !

Photos taken on my phone


When i got home i typed 'shoe tossing' into google and in fact this is true in popular culture. Crack and Heronin are usually sold or dealt in places situated near tossed shoes. The ideology behind it is to symbolize the fact that once you take Heroin you can never leave due to it being so addictive. I also learned it is to commemorate a gang related death.



So after that we ventured into central London.
And just off oxford we went into a creperie where they have this contraption making crepes it was fascinating to watch.







Then we hit carnaby street where diesel had a shop. The outside decoration was terrible, they tought it would look cool to make it seem vandals had attacked the walls of the shop and tear the lights off so loose wires were hanging out. It had been covered by with scaffolding for a while so obviously some revamping was occuring which is a good thing, but to make a shop look like its 30 years old and out of business is not.


We had cupcakes from a bakery called Candy Cakes in a courtyard just off carnaby street.
They were costly just so pretty and decorative that we couldn't resist the double chocolate.


A shop near by the cake store, had the coolest sofa/bath ever !



Finally we hit beyond retro and i got my first Western Shirt which i think looks pretty snazzy =]


Fin.

We're not worthy !

Bestival is still ringing through my ears and to wake up to a delievery man with a guitar shaped box only emphasized my love for festival.
Carefully opening the packaging as not to tear anything i pulled out this...



Picking it up i realised how insane it looked. A heavy metaler's dream. Then it came to me, i can only play basic(if even that) chords and songs my stepfathers old 3/4 size childrens guitar. Selling this creation would fill my wallet by roughly £700 but the only problem is not many friends want to buy a £700 guitar and ebay cannot be trusted with something like this i believe. Word of mouth may be my only option, if that fails i could buy a jack a small amp and learn all my 13 year old favorites such as funeral for a friend, brand new, story of the year, finch, the used. and rock out down in plymouth till the x-mas holidays and then try and sell it.
As parents may be willing to splash the cash on their kids during the festive period...

In the mean one can only dream of the music this baby can create

X

Top Ten Ways to Stop doing that ... !

So i was watching bbc 1 as you do, and an advert came up with Sir David Attenbouroghs voice saying that since he started working for the bbc over 40 years ago the worlds population has tripled.

How crazy does that sound ! and furthermore predictions for the future population is
901,000,000 people (9.1 billion) by 2050 - a 40 per cent increase from the current 6.8 billion total. The year of 1800 978 million people were alive, this could of been due to disease and high mortality rate.

Now more than ever goverments and hospitals are stressing the use of contraception.

So here is my top 10 contraceptions throughout the ages...

10) Sexual abstinence "It's great to wait"

This is the cheapest of all contraceptions. Basically you don't do it. People give their lives to not doing it, or even touching themselves ! This may be out of choice but most likely upbringing. The great thing about this is you get a nifty 'Silver ring' to show your all about SA.

Chance of STD; None Chance of getting pregnant; Zero

9) Coitus interruptus "We get in, we get out. No man left behind"

An ancient method over 2000 years old which is still used widely used and an estimated 38 million couples worldwide in 1991 adopt this style of birth control. To break it down, just before ejaculation you withdraw and by doing this your not planting your seed into your woman. This does not always work. As pre-ejaculatein may carry viral particles or bacteria which may infect the partnerif this fluid comes in contact with mucous membranes as well as semen. This again is a type of contraception which is used to get round social barriers such as the ban of contraception

Chance of STD; Moderatly high Chance of getting pregnant; Mild

8) Goverment policy "Your country needs you...to stop doing the naughty"

The picture above translates as "For a prosperous, powerful nation and a happy family, please use birth planning." To set the scene its 1979, Margaret Thatcher is elected Prime minister in the UK and Sony releases the Walkman. China holds 25% of the worlds population and 2/3rds of the them are under 30 due to the baby boom after WWII. The goverment needed to improve living standards and therefore introduced the one child policy. Tokens and prizes were introduced for having only one child and anymore resulted in penalities. Since the policy 300 million births have been prevented. This obviously doesn't results in complete child freedom but a 300,000,000 is still a lot.

Chance of STD; Moderatly high Chance of getting pregnant; Only once

7) Erectile dysfunction "This has never happened before..."

This has been the cause of sobbing men and disatisfied women. Anxiety is one of the main reasons this occurs in teenagers and early adults. Diabetes has been another known cause in older men so lay off the sugar is a good idea. This is a form of contraception because you won't have intercourse unless your hard enough. Excessive Cannabis use, smoking and drinking has been positively correlated to ED as it affects blood flow. The male can't keep his erection going long enough to satisfay himself or his partner. Viagra (sildenafil) is a temporary cure for ED as it widens the bloods vessels allowing erections to occur for up to 4 hours since the drug has been taken. If your not up for pill-popping try vibrators, cock rings and vacuum pumps.

Chance of STD; Slight Chance of getting pregnant; None

6)Contraceptive injections "Insert here"

This injection stops ovualtion in woman, but needs further consideration as it does not protect againist STD's. Only 3% of British women use this. Pretty boring really...

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%

5) Diaphragms "Ewwww.."

This is probably the most time consuming. You cannot just buy this at Tesco you need to go to a doctor and have one moulded 'fitted' to your size. The main objective is to cover the cervix to prevent sperm getting through and causing conception. However it must be left in the vaggy up to 6 hours after intercourse to work properly. Also to leave one of these in your woo woo, all night in the small case that you get some is a bit tiresome

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; 5%

4) Vasectomy "A reason not to run with scissors"

So its come to surgery. Another phrase is having your 'tubes tied'. This procedure prevents sperm coming into contact with semen. Thats right kids sperm and semen aren't the same thing. Semen carries the sperm when ejaculated into the women. In the surgery the tube that connects your testicles to your semen glad is called the 'Vas' hence Vasectomy. After a Vasectomy your sperm stays dormant in your testicles and from then on all you produce is semen during intercourse. STD's can still be caught with out other protection. The surgery does not always do what it promises and many men have had over three vasectomies due to conception after intercourse.

Chance of STD; Moderate

Chance of getting pregnant; Varies

3) Male Condoms "To help during these hard times"

Simple and effective, with a variety of textures tastes and materials some even glow in the dark !. Highly effective unless they split . In ancient periods these sheath's were made from leather and wool bound with tree sap and in Japan, they were made of tortoise shell or animal horn.. Now latex rubber is the most popular material used today and over 10.4 billion jonnys are sold per year. Thats more one condom for every person living in the world today.

Chance of STD; El Zecho

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%

2) Femidom "Fits like a glove"

Imagine a baggy bin bag in a confined space.

Enough said

Chance of STD; Nil

Chance of getting pregnant; 5%

1) The pill. "Drop it in so you don't drop one out"

Thats right you guessed it. The contraceptive pill used by over 100 million women containing oestrogen and a progestogen. Take one of these babies (no pun intended) once a day for the rest of your sexual life leaving 1 week a month out for your period. and your set to be baby free, by manipulating the hormones the egg is not released into the F-tubes to cause ovulation. It also makes periods lighter and abolishes period pains. Acne ridden teenagers are put on the pill to clear up their faces. However you aren’t protected from STD’s. So going back to 2 or 3 would make this the best Baby banner.

Chance of STD; Moderatly high without other contraceptions

Chance of getting pregnant; 0.1%

One small step for man...

This is the first post on the blog.
Just got back from bestival and its space themed year !, it was so sweet.

i think september is such a great time for festivals all the kids are back at school so unlike Reading its not like your camping next to a scout camp of hormonal teens.
Imagine glastobury scaled down with no mud and no older than 30 years old ,it was so hands on, playing beatles rockband on stage and learning to do the lindyhop in a 50's style hall. dressing up as space men and seeing such a eclectic range of music

passion pit, horrors, fiflthy dukes, frankmusik, delphic, ou est le swimming pool, elbow, fleet foxes, the big pink, klaxons, mgmt, doves, dan le sac, jack penate krafty kuts, the list goes on !

All the bands were so much enthusiastic as it was there last festival of the year.
klaxons annoucned they will no longer be on the myths tour so one can only assume that there new album shall be there music from now on.
With a week till i return to uni and my house which we have labelled as the S.A.F.E house (Sweet, awesome, fantastically, exciting house) i'm trying to eat as much as possible before i begin my hibernation in the party location !